Beltane, Full Moon & Ovulation

This week hasn’t been the easiest for me.

I went for an MRI — something I’ve never been comfortable with. I don’t like tight spaces, and this time felt even heavier knowing I’m here again because of my journey with Endometriosis and Adenomyosis. Sitting with the unknown, not knowing what the outcome will be, and the possibility of facing another surgery.

Since just after Christmas, I felt something wasn’t right in my body.

I was constantly tired. No matter how much I rested or slept, the exhaustion stayed. At the beginning, I couldn’t fully accept that this was happening. I kept going, pushing through everything — the studio move, daily life, even a broken toe.

But my body kept speaking.

My shoulders and wrists began to ache.
My hips felt like they were on fire.

Eventually, I went for an ultrasound scan. Now they can also detect endometriosis through it, and the results weren’t what I hoped for. What I was afraid of started to feel very real again.

I reached out to my surgeon in Romania and now I’m sitting between two different opinions — one suggesting removing my uterus, the other suggesting to wait until menopause. I’m now seeking a third opinion.

At the beginning, there was confusion.
Then there was resistance.

And eventually, there was the realisation.

It took me four months to fully understand what was happening — that I had pushed myself into burnout, and that my body had been trying to tell me for a while.

My body is not a “normal” person’s body.
It is much more sensitive.

Even though I have lived with this for a long time, there are still moments where my mind takes over. I look around and see others doing so much — growing their businesses, exercising, meeting friends, going out — and sometimes I get pulled into that rhythm too.

I try to keep up.
I push through the pain.
I push through the fatigue.

And that is how I end up in burnout.

That is when my body starts crying out for help in different ways.
In my case, it is mostly through pain.

And that is when I stop.
That is when I listen.

I understand now that I am different.
And that my body asks for something different from me.

Recently, I also went through another deep experience — losing my uncle very suddenly. It was a big shock, and it shifted something inside of me.

Since then, I have felt a strong pull to step away from the outside world and go inward.

I will still be here, still doing my work, still sharing and holding space for my community. But on my days off, I am choosing to prioritise my own peace. My body. My nervous system. My energy.

Over the past month, I also began to live more in tune with my cycle. Even in this short time, I’ve noticed a shift — a deeper awareness of my body and how it moves through different phases.

And today feels special in its own way.

It is Beltane.
It is the Full Moon.
And I am in my ovulation phase.

There’s something about this combination that feels powerful and meaningful to me.

This morning started quietly in my garden with a cup of cacao.

The day will unfold gently — some time with clients, some time at home, and later, an evening to myself.

Tonight, I plan to honour this energy in my own way — with slow movement, sound, meditation, and journaling. I might light a fire and sit outside with my family, if it feels right.

Just being with the day as it is.

Happy Beltane and Full Moon.

With love,
Irma